hmm. yeah man, i don’t know. i guess i expected to come back on here (after forty days, no less) and view things… differently? but this space seems the same. like i never left. like nothing even changed. i guess you set your own limitations in the (online) platform that you inhabit. forty days is a long time. i was challenged and disturbed and broken and poked and prodded and molded and shaped and fixed and healed and loved in all parts of my heart. during lent, i set out to engage with God on a more intimate level, to go deeper in understanding with Him. and i did. i have. it’s been a bumpy ride, but on the cusp of easter morning i realized, and have continued to realize, that i need Him so much. i need Jesus so much. in my hands, in my mind, in my heart. because this world is ephemeral. and people are fragile. and i am just a little bean. but my God still freely pours out so much of his love and healing and i cannot deny the infallibility of his love. this space, my blog, erected fall 2010, and the journey i embarked with it, has been incredibly fundamental to my understanding of the world and my life today. however, my world is not here, and my world does not end here. it didn’t even begin here. it began - and will finish - in heaven, with Him, together. do i sound crazy? yes. and i’ll keep on sounding crazy for the sake of my King, because the answers for all my questions are not here. there’s been a ton of crap in my life. a lot of shame. extreme amounts of guilt. fractured confessions. bitterness. jars of pride. but God breaks them all. He breaks you and then mends you. a friend of mine told me that when she was praying for me, she saw a vision of a heart being stitched up with a needle. “i don’t know what’s going on in your life right now - but i bet it’s really painful,” she said. yes, it’s been painful. healing is always painful. but healing brings restoration, and i don’t really see a point in romanticizing pain or suffering or confusion anymore. the end point is joy, isn’t it? the end point is to be whole, right? i can’t do these things myself. i could never heal myself. but i know of a Savior who loves so freely and his name is Jesus and He is good. and he wants you to know him too. He’s always extending his hand towards you, because He loves you and wants you to be whole. i think i will still pop on here every now and then… but for now, it is goodbye.
"Indeed, I count everything as loss because of the surpassing worth of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord. For his sake I have suffered the loss of all things and count them as rubbish, in order that I may gain Christ" Philippians 3:8
various other social media outlets i frequent:
2:35 am 4 notes
in the spirit of Lent, i will be giving up tumblr until easter (april 20th). however, i would like to clarify that Lent is not just about giving things up for the sake of emphasizing how often these things take up our time. Lent is about preparing your heart. it is substituting worldly things (media/food/anything really!) with God, through prayer with Him, spending more time with His Word [the Bible], and becoming more intimate in your relationship with Him. in the process, you don’t see it as a deprivation, but rather as a substitution for something that’s better. my hope for Lent is that by Easter, i will communicate with God in a more intimate and honest way :3
more importantly, fasting of any sort is drawing closer to Him while taking up your cross as we relive Christ’s crucifixion, but more importantly, His resurrection! and when we die to our old lives, we are raised in His, and are made new.
"As for you, you were dead in your transgressions and sins, in which you used to live when you followed the ways of this world and of the ruler of the kingdom of the air, the spirit who is now at work in those who are disobedient. All of us also lived among them at one time, gratifying the cravings of our flesh and following its desires and thoughts. Like the rest, we were by nature deserving of wrath. But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved. And God raised us up with Christ and seated us with him in the heavenly realms in Christ Jesus, in order that in the coming ages he might show the incomparable riches of his grace, expressed in his kindness to us in Christ Jesus. For it is by grace you have been saved, through faith—and this is not from yourselves, it is the gift of God— not by works, so that no one can boast. For we are God’s handiwork, created in Christ Jesus to do good works, which God prepared in advance for us to do.” Ephesians 2:1-10
So giving something up for Lent doesn’t make me either “holier than thou” or a better Christian than the person beside me. the works of my own hands cannot measure my faith and i can NEVER win the favor of God for greater love. that’s why grace is so important! grace is God’s unconditional love; He pours out all of His heart for us, asking for nothing in return. that is why worship encompasses the entirety of life. it’s not just through singing or prayer or service or a spiritual season; it’s a response of gratitude and thankfulness that lasts a lifetime! :)
anyways, here are some other social media outlets that i frequent, if you so desire to track my existence:
thanks for reading this! have a great day! weeeeee
1:03 am 2 notes
— Aida Hurtado (via kawrage)
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— John Steinbeck, East of Eden (via paradoxicalsentiments)
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tumblr has it so wrong like spike jonze is not sugar daddy hot. he’s like best buy manager hot. he’s like adjunct professor hot. he’s like the guy who works the front desk at the local community center hot. he’s like your uncle’s accountant hot. he’s like one of the adult humans on sesame street hot. he’s avid whole foods customer hot. he’s not cool or suave or even rich (he has good credit tho) but that’s part of the attraction. so get it right tumblr.
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as Your love
in wave after wave
crashes over me, crashes over me
for You are for us
You are not against us
Champion of Heaven
You made a way for all to enter in
You make me brave.
7:20 pm 4 notes
Only 7 Black women have won oscars and all of them won for best supporting actress.
Hattie McDaniel won an oscar for playing an enslaved Black woman called Mammy in 1939.
The only one who didn’t win an oscar for playing an abusive/abused poor Black woman was Whoopi Goldberg and she was still the sidekick to the two main white characters.
Mo’Nique, Halle Berry, Octavia Spencer, and Jennifer Hudson all won for playing abusive/abused poor Black women.
Lupita Nyong’o won an oscar for playing an enslaved Black woman called Patsey in 2014.
We’ve come full circle and we’re still not the heroes of our own stories.
Still here for celebrating Lupita’s win and how much it means, because it means a whole fucking lot for a multitude of reasons. But also all of the above. Hollywood loves Black suffering. White celebs get nominated for literally every character under the sun, but a Black woman is only considered to be in a “critically acclaimed role” when her character fits a very small, suffering mold. Lupita deserved this win; she’s amazing. But watch Hollywood treat this Oscar win as the good deed for the decade.
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— C.S. Lewis, “The Four Loves” (via lifeinpoetry)
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